I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
