i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
