god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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