I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
