I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
thus making me awesome and them whores
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
