I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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