ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
