i just had sex bonerless
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
