all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
