So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
