I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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