wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
