The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
