I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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