Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
