Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
