so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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