Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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