I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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