why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
