who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
