nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
