Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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