If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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