So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
