Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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