Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
