no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
