I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
