really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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