Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
