it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
