My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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