Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
