problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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