Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
