Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
