Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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