i can't believe i had my finger in that
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
