During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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