I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
