If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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