I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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