Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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