When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
