So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
