I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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