I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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