Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
