I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were trust falling into bushes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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