why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
