Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
