First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
